


Metanoia: The Journey of Changing One's Mind

by it_is_bitter



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bilbo's sister, Confident Fíli, Dwarf Courting, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, F/M, First Kiss, Fíli/OFC are main pairing, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, M/M, OFC is bilbo's sister, Possessive Fíli, Protective Fíli, Slow Burn, Stubborn Dwarves, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, almost as stubborn hobbits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-03-29 15:24:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19022656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/it_is_bitter/pseuds/it_is_bitter
Summary: Meeting your One is considered one of the highest blessings of Mahal. Its a blessing not promised to all dwarves; sometimes the paths of the pair don't cross, sometimes one half of the pair will die before they get the chance, sometimes there is no other half of the pair at all. It may take years of waiting before The Recognition, but the day it happens is always met with unadulterated joy and a fierce determination to make up for lost time.Fíli's One is a hobbit. They're merry creatures that throw grand festivals to celebrate marriages, which are fairly similar to Dwarven Unions as far as he understands it. Stands to reason that his One will be just as anxious as he is to finally meet.Right?





	Metanoia: The Journey of Changing One's Mind

**Author's Note:**

> The Recognition is kind of like a glowing, or a sharpening. Its hard to explain unless you've lived it. Different dwarrow describe it in different ways. Some say their One was shining like they had moonlight under their skin, others say that as soon as they looked into their One's eyes, that colors became more vibrant and sharp. The only thing they all agree on is that you can't miss it.

It was after they had finished their song and were all sitting much more sedately around the fireplace than she previously believed them capable of, and she was helping them all find places to sleep around the smial. It was a task she could possibly be carrying out with more grace and civility. But unfortunately, having her home invaded by thirteen (thirteen!) dwarves no less, who had barged in without invitation (and no warning either!) and then proceeded to eat her out of smial and home, not to mention throwing (throwing!!) her family’s dishes about like they were their own!, did not inspire very many of Bella’s gracious hosting instincts.

 

Bella had never met dwarves before in her life, and she now was fully determined to never meet another. Mocking her brother had done nothing to endear them to her. They were just so rude! Just because Bilbo was an easy target, bless him, didn’t give them the right to tease a stranger in his own home!

 

Not to mention they were outrageous flirts. If it had been on a different night, not inside her own home, and if they had somehow manage to control their appalling behavior, she might have laughed and flirted back! Many of them were certainly attractive, and she was never one to shy away from some playful banter, but as it was every comment they made simply irritated her further.

 

Most irritating of all, she had felt the weight of the blonde one, Fili’s stare laying heavy on her all night. Not that he said anything! No, he only wanted to see her become flustered and bumbling, which was why she had made up her mind to ignore him completely. A harder task than she anticipated. Especially when a hand caught her own and tugged her forward before she could turn away.

 

“Its very poor manners to not introduce yourself to a guest.” His low voice was filled with mirth and teasing, but she resisted the urge to hit him upside the head with one of her pillows to get him to leave her alone. Tempting as it was, she settled for trying to tug her hand free from his grasp. 

 

“Quite the presumption, master dwarf. I can’t recall you being invited as a guest here. And forgive me if I’m not impressed with dwarven manners, now if you would let  _ go—” _

 

“Ah ah, lovely girl, I think I’ll have your name before I let you have your hand.” He said, and she could feel those eyes burning her through again.  _ Botheration _ dwarves are strong! She couldn’t even unclamp his littlest finger! Infuriating! She gave up with a huff, finally looking up and refusing to let herself get distracted by how  _ stupidly _ handsome he was.

 

“Fine!” She saw his eyes light up, pleased, and became about thrice as annoyed with him. “You can keep the hand, I’ll get on fine without it.” He laughed, seeming surprised and running an assessing eye over her.

 

“Stubborn. But at least I have you looking at me now.” At that she quick turned her head to inspect the wall, only certain that she wanted to do the opposite of whatever he wanted. But a thumb and finger caught her chin and brought her back around. He was still smiling at her, and she kind of wanted to slap it off him.

 

“No darling. You can take steps towards me at your own pace, but there’ll be no going backwards.” He said to her, sounding very confident and assured of himself. Or perhaps sounding like a prince used to being obeyed. She smacked his hand off impatiently and glared at him.

 

“You talk to me like you know me. You realize this is only about your fourth sentence spoken to me, right?”

 

“Is it? Well we can’t have that. I’d have to be a fool not to talk to such a gorgeous lass.”

 

She gave him a dry look, not at all in the mood. Pretty he might be, she wasn’t sure. Right now she couldn’t see past how terribly annoying he was.

 

“Or fool more for forcing a lass to talk with you.” He smiled at her again, eyes knowing, thought she didn’t presume to think on what.

 

“Oh, forcing you am I? Mahal strike me down.” And then he brought her hand up to kiss the back of it before letting her go. Not expecting him to back down so easily, she sputtered a little bit and smoothed her hands down her skirt agitatedly.

 

“Well—well, good. I—” quickly she grabbed up one of the blanket and pillow sets that she brought in and shoved them into his arms, steadily getting more furious that he somehow managed to bring out her falter-speech. “I was just coming in here to make sure you had everything you need. And I’ve done that. So. So I’ll be leaving now.”

 

“A generous and kind heart to match such a beautiful face. Wonders never cease.” Horrified that there was somehow heat flooding her cheeks, she huffed at him again and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“Pretty words, Prince, but I’ll save you the trouble. I shan’t be opening my legs for you, no matter how charming you are, so save your breath.”

 

He tsked, crossing his arms to mirror her. “So quick to judge my intentions when all I’ve asked you for is your name.”

 

“Look, another wasted breath.”

 

He narrowed his eyes at her, finally looking something other than smugly amused. “ _ Very _ stubborn. I have my work cut out for me it seems.”

 

Bella rolled her eyes at that. If only she could time how long it would take for his fascination with her to dissipate. “Work all you want, only leave me out of it. Good _ night _ , Prince Fili.” Her manners demanded a curtsy and she gave one begrudgingly, though was mildly surprised when he bowed back at her with a fist over his heart.

 

“Sleep well, gorgeous.”

 

With that, she left the room, not at all sure how she felt about the interaction. But she didn’t go to her bed, too wound up to consider sleep. Instead slipping out the front door to find her favorite patch of grass.

 

It was just next to the apple tree in the backyard. There was a root that made a very nice pillow, and the little appley canopy had an opening right above her to watch the stars. Sliding into place, she ran her hands agitatedly through the long grass, keeping her eyes unfocused to catch glimpses of shooting stars. Gradually, the quiet soothed her until the grass around her was no longer in danger of having itself uprooted, and she was able to close her eyes and think of nothing but the sounds of crickets chirping at the night. 

 

“You make a habit of not being where you say you’ll be?” said a soft voice from the dark, making her squeak and shoot upwards. She clambered up the trunk to the nearest branch from the ground and swung herself up and into the tree before she had even taken a full breath. It was such an ingrained reflex, that even her mind reminding her she knew the voice didn’t stop her body’s response. So it was only a second later that she leaned over from her perch to give him a piece of her mind.

 

“ _ Excuse you. _ Do  _ you _ make a habit of sneaking up on people on their own property?!” She took a little satisfaction at the surprise on his face, blinking up at her.

 

“You move quickly. Very impressive.” He tilted his head at her. “Care to come down?” Well she might have, if he hadn’t just asked.

 

“No, I don’t think I do care to. Why are you out here anyway?”

 

“You didn’t go to bed.”

 

“You’re one to talk.”

 

He huffed at her, crossing his arms. “I wasn’t about to go to sleep without making sure you were safe inside.”

 

“Oh yes, the dangers of my garden. A strange man could have snuck up on me and surprised me into a tree, can you imagine?”

 

He smiled a little ruefully at her, and she was not at all charmed by it. “You have my humble apology. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He said, blue eyes fixed calmly to her own.

 

Not charmed at all.

 

“Oh please, I wasn’t frightened. Just surprised.” She smoothed down her skirt again, making sure she wasn’t showing him anything she didn’t mean to.

 

“Well I’m sorry just the same.” He smiled and reached a hand up to her, “Won’t you come down, lovely girl?”

 

Well. He had some manners, she supposed. “I can get down on my own.” She thought he might get offended, but he just retracted his hand, watching her closely.

 

“Of course.”

 

She didn’t bother climbing down, just jumped from her branch, ignoring his sound of alarm. It was an easy thing to absorb the shock through her feet.

 

His hands closed around her shoulders a moment later, patting down her arms like he was reassuring himself she was alright before calming and giving her a stern look.

 

“Bit high, don’t you think?” 

 

“Perhaps for dwarven feet.” She grinned at him, happy at the chance to tease him a bit in retribution. “But us hobbits are built for rough landings.”

 

“Are you saying I have small feet?” He said, raising an eyebrow and looking amused. Bella lifted her skirts a bit and came side-by-side to him, slotting her foot next to his. 

 

“I don’t think I need to say it, but I can if you want me to.”

 

At that he laughed and threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, which she allowed, ready to forgive him for his awful manners. Hobbits weren’t the type to hold grudges long, or at least she wasn’t.

 

“Of course Mahal has blessed me with a One so cheeky. Living with Kili was not enough.” He said, casually. So casually in fact, that it took her a few seconds to process his words.

 

He started walking to lead her inside, but she dug in her heels and ducked beneath his arm, feeling about the same amount of adrenaline as she did when she accidentally fell into the lake last summer. “Oh no no no, hold on! I’m not your One!”

 

He turned to face her, not surprised in the least by her reaction, and about as sympathetic. “Oh, but I’m afraid you are.” he said in a what-can-you-do? tone of voice.

 

Oh she takes it back. The grudge is absolutely back on.

 

“No!” She half-yelled, getting very riled up. 

 

“Yes.” He said, calmly. The smug bastard.

 

“No, you must be mistaken!” She stepped closer to him again, pointing a finger at him. “You’d just been traveling all day! You were tired! There was-- we have-- this smial has poor lighting!”

 

“Dwarrow have excellent night vision.”

 

“Well--! Well! We aren’t even the same species!”

 

He looked down at her, disapprovingly. “There’s precedence enough for that, as I suspect you already know.”

 

She threw her hands up. “It doesn’t matter what I know! This-” she gestured jerkily between the two of them, “cannot happen!”

 

He tilted his head at her, unruffled. “Enlighten me.”

 

“I can’t be with you! Because-- because! I’ve already decided to be a spinster! And I am  _ not  _ about to just let some man--”

 

“Dwarf.”

 

“Some  _ male _ , burst into my life and ruin all of my plans!”

 

“Just to clarify, these are your plans to live out the rest of your days alone?” He drawled. Now he’d done it.

 

“Oh, now that’s typical! Looking down on another’s choices just because they weren’t your own! How dare--”

 

“Alright, alright, peace. Stop panicking, darling.” He stepped forward and rubbed the tops of her arms roughly, like he was trying to warm her up. She was sorely tempted to shove him away from her but refrained, instead focusing on catching her breath.

 

The Prince eyed her, clearly weighing how to proceed. “I could have gone about that better, only I don’t have the time to ease you into this. We leave tomorrow, and you have the right to know.” She opened her mouth, but he raised a hand again, “Even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”

 

It was subtle, and he hid it well, but she thought there was some pain settling in the creases of his eyes. She felt a bit of the fight in her quiet down.

 

“Take a breath.” He waited a moment for her to look marginally calmer, and his hands ran down her arms to take up her hands. “I know that hobbits lost the ability to recognize their Ones generations ago. I know that to you, I am a stranger, and I cannot ask you to trust the word of a stranger. But I am a good man. Do not worry if I would hurt you, or force you. I would  _ never _ hurt you. I swear by my beard.” He looked between her eyes for a moment, letting her see how seriously he took that promise. She held his gaze for a few moments, assessing him, then slowly dipped her head in a nod. Seemingly relieved, he guided her to sit beside him against the tree trunk.

 

“Now, I’m going to speak and you are going to listen. Then you are going to speak and I’m going to listen. Simple, yes?” This close. He was this close to her stringing his pack up to the very top of this tree. She scowled at him, and he nodded like she had just agreed with him.

 

“Good. You obviously know somethings about Dwarrow, but I’d wager not much more than that. We are--protective. Of our Ones. I normally have a pretty good cap on my instincts, so I’ll try not to be overbearing, but I can’t promise anything.” He sighed and ran a hand over his head. “Now I understand that you have certain preferences towards being alone, for which I offer my apologies. It’s not in me to walk away from you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Not knowing if you were hurt? If you were sad?” He shook his head, grimacing. “I could not do it.”

 

She opened her mouth to ask him how going on this quest was not walking away, but he put a hand up to silence her.

 

“But I can compromise. I need to have a place in your life, but you can define what that will be. Whether I am your husband, or your friend, or even just an acquaintance. So long as I can check that you’re alright, I will abide by your wish.”

 

She stared at him. This was a lot to take in at once, but she’d already completely lost her composure in front of him once when she was busy panicking, and she wasn’t keen to do it again. Taking a deep breath, she shifted so she didn’t have to look at him (or see him looking at her), and held up a finger, “Give me a moment.” She just needed a second without his eyes on her so she could think straight.

 

He’d be fine with being nothing more than an acquaintance to her? He was certainly taking her rejection in stride. Much better than her past dalliances had. But what was she meant to say to him?

 

She didn’t want anything to do with the business of Ones, she knew that much. She hated the idea of being beholden to someone. Even Bilbo grated on her most days, always getting in a tizzy if she came home late, and she imagined that worry to be amplified ten-fold if it was her  _ partner _ she had waiting on her. She shuddered. No, she did not want any more strings on her than there already were, thank you very much. Not to mention all the messy emotions involved! She simply refused to be so chained to another’s well-being, she already had enough responsibilities! 

 

So definitely no encouraging this relationship. Alright, good, a sound decision. So...now what? She snuck a glance out of the corner of her eye at the dwarf next to her. He had brought one knee up to rest his arm upon, and had his head tilted back to watch the sky. Couldn’t he look just a little uncomfortable?  _ She _ was feeling uncomfortable enough for the both of them combined! Plus twelve hobbits! He could at least have the decency to  _ pretend _ to be affected! She turned away from him, irritated all over again. By the lady, why did she always get put in these positions? She was going to have to turn him down, and he would probably cry and she would probably have to hold him like a baby all night long just like she’d had to for Tobias, and-- damn it all! This is why she preferred to be left alone! 

 

Taking a deep breath, she slowly let it out through her nose, counting to ten. This was going to be awkward, absolutely zero chance of it not being so, but she didn’t have to be cruel. Fili  _ was _ outlandishly annoying for coming into her home uninvited, and he  _ had _ been the one to start tossing their dishes about, nearly giving her brother a conniption, but he still seemed the good sort to her. Mischievous, yes, but beneath that kind. So she could do this kindly.

 

“Prince Fili--”

 

“Call me Fili.”

 

“ _ Prince _ Fili, I, well I’m sorry to say that I can’t offer you anything romantic.” _ Better to keep it short and direct, probably. _

 

He said nothing, only nodded and smiled at her knowingly. Hold on,  _ knowingly? _ What did he think he knew?? He knew nothing! When he continued to say nothing, she felt obligated to keep speaking, like the worst kind of fool. She wanted to roll her eyes at herself but was too busy dragging this horrid conversation out.

 

“I don’t want you to take this as a reflection of yourself. You are clearly a very fine figure of a dwarf, I’m sure you’re quite the catch!”  _ Short and to the point, short and to the point.  _

 

“Oh, you flatter me lass.” He interrupted her, smile growing to a grin, and she sat back on her heels. He was... not reacting as expected? Not even any defensiveness over a bruised pride, and oh, there goes her dumb mouth again. 

 

“Well, yes, as I was saying, I don’t want you to take this as an affront to your character. It’s only that I am quite fond of being by myself, and I have no plans to change that.”

 

Fili nodded at her, mock-serious, “It’s not you, it’s me.” 

 

“Yes. No! No no, what I mean is--”

 

Fili chuckled and cut her off with a wave of his palm. “Calm down, I was only teasing.” He sighed, and then rolled his head so he was back to looking at the stars. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t hope for this to go over smoother, but Uncle tells me nothing worth having comes easy.” Fili laughed softly, an odd smile on his lips. “He is right a truly obnoxious amount of the time.”

 

Fili turned back to look at her calmly, and then sat up straight at whatever he saw on her face. “It’s alright, gorgeous. You know what you want, and you fight to keep it. That will never be a bad thing, don’t feel badly for it.” Scooping up her hand he kissed the back of it, smiling roguishly at her. Quite against her will, she felt the corner of her lips rise in answer. 

 

“I’m adjusting, but I’m not disappointed. I still gained a friend today, yes? Or are you going to make me work for that too?” His grin turned teasing, and she took her hand back, slapping at his shoulder lightly. He wasn’t pressuring her, he wasn’t even whining or being bitter, which was a pleasant surprise. She eyed him, evaluating all the ways this could backfire on her before mentally throwing her hands up. She was overthinking this.

 

“Yes, fine. We can be friends. But!” She held up a finger before he could speak, “I’m making it very clear to you right now, that I will never want anything more than friendship from you. Understand?” She said, sternly. He look entirely unintimidated.

 

“Never is a long time, lass. You’ll forgive a young fool for not throwing in the towel, won’t you?” He smiled at her, probably trying to be charming or something.

 

“Fili. I mean it. I’m not going to change my mind. Romance has never held an interest for me before, and that’s not going to change just because you smile at me. I don’t want you getting your hopes up for nothing.” She spoke firmly, trying to eradicate any urge he had to pursue her. 

 

“You like my smile, do you?” And he had the nerve to smile as he said it.

 

“ _ By the lady, _ Fili! I’m trying to make sure you don’t waste your time!” She snapped, frustrated. 

 

He stopped and tilted his head at her, trying to figure her out. “So frightened of hurting me.” he murmured. She stiffened and he smiled gently at her.

 

“You are sweet. But I’m grown, sweetling, and I make my own choices. So you let me worry after my own heart, alright? It’s not your responsibility.”

 

_ Not her responsibility.  _ But if she didn’t get through to him, and he got his heart broken because of her, what then? He couldn’t pretend she wouldn’t have a share of the blame. Not to mention that she would feel terrible. Maybe being friends was a bad idea if he was only going to be hurt. She should--

 

“You’re overthinking this, aren’t you? I hope that isn’t a habit of yours.” He patted his thighs and heaved himself up, stretching his arms out for a moment, and then reached down to help pull her up. She took his hand without thinking, and then made sure there was no grass sticking to her skirt. “Come on.” Fili said, “We have an early start tomorrow, and we should take advantage of warm beds while we have them.”

 

He hadn’t let go of her hand and started to lead her inside, and she thought absentmindedly that she should probably set some boundaries so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, but she was caught on something he said.

 

“We?” she asked haltingly, a bit slow on the uptake.

 

He turned to look at her, “Yes we, unless you want to see how Uncle responds to putting him behind schedule, which I don’t recommend.”

 

“How do you know I’m going?” She said slowly. He grinned at her again.

 

“Because I saw your face when we talked about taking back our mountain. You’re coming.” His smile turned teasing, “Though I’m sure you’re tempted to do the opposite now just to spite me.”

 

She resolutely didn’t look at him, which of course gave her away and he laughed, the bastard. He was a bit more perceptive than she gave him credit for, she grudgingly admitted. Very grudgingly.

 

He opened the front door for her and she huffed at him, hesitating before deciding that friends could open doors without it meaning anything and walked through. She heard him laughing to himself as he shut the door and she scowled. It was his fault for making this so much more complicated than it needed to be.

 

She thought he would leave her be now, but he appeared at her elbow silently and walked her to her bedroom. She half opened it and then turned to free him from the strange obligation he’d set upon himself to see her safely to her own room in her own smial, “Goodnight, Prince.”

 

He squinted his eyes at her playfully for using his title, and then put his fist over his heart to bow to her again. “Sleep well, gorgeous.”

 

“You’ve already said that to me tonight.” she said, amused.

 

He looked up at her, still bent in the bow. “So I have. See to it that I don’t need to for a third time before morning comes.” Was he trying to scold her? Really? She rolled her eyes and turned again to go into her room, but paused after one step.

 

He had been kind to her, and surely if they were to be friends he should know it, right? She could still feel him behind her, but she didn’t look at him, just turned her head enough to talk over her shoulder. “Bella. My name is Bella.” 

 

And then she shut the door and crawled into bed. Fili was a problem, yes, but just right then she didn’t care. Come morning tomorrow she’d leave the Shire behind her and go find one of the adventures her mother was always gushing about. A real and live adventure. 

 

Morning couldn't come fast enough.

**Author's Note:**

> You guys ever have one specific scene in your head thats just begging to be written? But then you think about it too much and want to expand upon it, and realize just how. many. scenes. you are gonna have to write so the lead up to it makes sense?
> 
> Yeah thats what this is.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3 <3 <3


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